I'm a blog failure...

I mean really? I think all these amazing things that I really should be writing down. Why don't I? Oh yeahhhhhh, life....it happens everyday! Dammit!! Okay, I'll try harder....tomorrow....

Once upon a time...

There was a girl named Buffy. She only wanted what was best for her kids...

Who said life was going to be so hard? I know all the sayings..."God only gives you what you can handle." What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....This too shall pass. It is what it is....

I get it, I get it. It still sucks. The kids are doing exceptionally well. Maddy probably is doing the worst. She misses her Daddy. I don't know that she understands completely what is going on. But, she does understand that he doesn't live here anymore. Mason is calmer, happier, much more relaxed. Macy is just Macy. She's like me, she rolls with the punches....Oh look, another "saying."

I never thought this would be so agonizing on the inside. I was so sure of what was going on and what was best for us, and I still know those things, but I question myself about every 10 minutes.

Last Friday night was a doozy of a night for me. I've deleted my facebook acct. See, I have met someone. A very nice someone. And we are now friends on facebook. So, I guess all that online flirting just send one of my 455 friends over the edge. So much to the point that this person decided it would be okay to print off...hhhmmmm, about 50 pages of my status', comments, etc. as well as this person that I've met...his updates, etc. and provide them to Chris in a restaurant parking lot. Drama much? I think that because this person is not involved in my daily life...they didn't know we had divorced and they truly thought they were blowing the cover on this horrid affair I was having via facebook. Seriously? Really? Because I'm stupid and going to do that. It still didn't fair well for Chris. I think it was the very moment when he understood....IT'S OVER. Buffy has moved on. It absolutely broke his heart. And instead of crying and all the other stuff girls do...he lost it. Absolutely LOST it. Now, with that being said, the crying has begun. The begging on my front porch. Emails. So sad. Pathetic. And I really can only say....five years to late. And now I have the guilt that it's over. When it really should be him, but it's me....because I always just wanted what was best for my kids. And then I think about the last five years and realize...this is whats best for my kids...

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm. Life is a pain in the ass sometimes. I want that to be a quote.

I have so much to tell you.....

I feel like I'm ready to be back. It's been a bumpy few months, but I'm feeling better now. Chris and I are headed for a divorce. I hate to even say the words out loud because it's like admitting to everyone....YES! I'm a failure AGAIN. I'm not good at marriage. With that being said, maybe marriage just isn't good at me. LOL.

I have been blessed through the Christmas season by so many good friends and so many good things. At the same time, I lost people in my lives that I thought were my friends and turned out....just weren't.

Kids are okay. Maddy just got over a 3 week stay in a great pink cast due to a Maddy jumping off the bed incident. (It's a trundle...long story). She's been quite clingy. Mason has turned out to be super successful at school (yes, I know it's kindergarten) and Macy is just being Macy. Perfect as always. I have found her fault though...a clean room. UGH. She's starting to get that little stinging, mean teenage sarcasm. Like...."You're wearing that?" I need to nominate you for WHAT NOT TO WEAR. Lovely. Thanks.

I feel like the next four seasons are going to be the best in my life. 2009 brought A LOT of changes in my life. I left my "dream job." I made it through a possible foreclosure. Lost friends, gained friends, lost husband....meaning he just wasn't for me anymore. 2010 is my recovery period. It's all about finding happiness and keeping my kids happy. We are well on our way.

Welcome to 2010....Buffy style. Happy, upbeat style....Four Seasons style. LOVE IT.